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Monday, January 4, 2016

My Seven Stages of Grief: Denial & Shock


You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of
the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from
being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.

Oh, hell yah! "Denial" was my middle name! I ran like a deer during hunting season and I didn't look back for months. It started two days after we put Craig to rest. My once filled home was emptied rapidly. All of our friends went home, my step children returned to their homes out of state and I left town with little knowledge of where I was heading or why I was going there. I was simply running away from reality and I am one quick runner!

After that two week hiatus, I continued to run, though in the form of playing hard with my friends and family. I spent the Spring, Summer and Fall dancing my heart away, traveling more and staying away from my home as much as I could. Oh, I was the master of Denial!

I gained confidence and independence through this time. Suddenly, I was "Woman hear me roar!" and could independently navigate around town after years of being carted around in a limo or by Craig. I could go to parties, bars, restaurants and music venues by myself and had no problem dancing anywhere I went. 

By the time I returned home each evening, I was exhausted and hit the bed hard. This strategically allowed for no time to grieve. Next day: Shampoo. Rinse. Repeat. 

No regrets. I was already in the "Operation Meltdown" planning process and believed I could hold out all emotions until Craig's 60th birthday. I had mastered  pushing my feelings down to the core for years, so what's another few months? Right???

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