It has been about a year since I last blogged, but I am back now. My two year journey as a widow has been interesting, challenging and rewarding. My dear three year old puppy, Bella, who is a therapy dog, has been quite a therapy dog to me throughout this time! Over the past year I have embraced my true friends, cherished the wonderful memories my husband and I made and traveled to a few islands including Kauai, Hawaii, Riviera Maya, Punta Cana and Jamaica. Some trips were with friends, the latter was alone and both relaxing and fun once I met the locals!

I attempted halfheartedly to date, spent many hours with my lawyer battling estate issues and taken on more unwanted roles in my job at school. Yes, the past two years have been a challenge. But, I have also made many inspiring and uplifting friends, enjoyed new experiences, published two more books, presented to a few schools and adult groups, empowering the listeners,  and immersed myself in yoga teacher training.

I am certainly a work in progress, and I am alright with that!  I always try to find the good in life's more challenging experiences, like losing my husband to cancer. I learned many great lessons from him including how to just relax and not do anything, to always be the better person and to  believe good will come from adversity.

The latter is a huge focus of mine. I know through my husband I gained many new friends, two step children and opportunities to share our story. Because of Craig's illness and death, I have been able to reach out and help more people, especially adults, cope with their illnesses or losses.  I feel I am a more well-rounded and empathetic counselor to my students given all of my experiences of loss, disease and hardship. 

I have set goals like walking five million steps last year (I walked 5.2 million steps) and becoming a yoga instructor this year. Once I am certified to teach yoga, I hope to open my own studio for children to help them improve their mind and bodies. I have a vision and am working hard to bring it to fruition. I believe there is a need for this kind of center for children given the stress they tend to endure at such young ages.   My hope is to provide a safe environment that allows the children to relax, learn and grow. None of this would have been a dream or vision of mine had I not lost my husband. My loss will hopefully work in a way to better serve and help children. I do believe. 

My friend, Sue, recently sent me a reflection about grief that really resonated with me. I do not know the author, but would like to share a few of their thoughts:
There is no pushing through,
But rather
There is absorption
Adjustment
Acceptance
And grief is not something that you complete
But rather you endure
Grief is not a task to finish,
And move on,
But an element of yourself
An alteration of your being
A new way of seeing
A new definition of self

I consider myself newly defined, though different from a year ago, I am better, stronger, more independent and more confident. I did it. I suffered an awful loss after an unnecessary terminal illness. I lost my best friend who was supposed to spend 40 years with me. He promised. He is still with me, just in a different way. I feel his strength. I feel his support. And, yes, sometimes I feel his head nodding in concern  saying, "Now Kasey!"  

Mind Over Matter: My Seven Stages of Grief: Acceptance and Hope

Mind Over Matter: My Seven Stages of Grief: Acceptance and Hope: ACCEPTANCE & HOPE During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the  reality of yo...